One of the most important parts of a Family Estate Plan is guardianship nomination. What is guardianship nomination? Simply put, you’re picking a person to take care of your kids when you can’t. This could be a temporary or permanent guardian depending on the situation. Whoever you pick will be responsible for your kid’s wellbeing, health, education, happiness, etc. They’ll essentially take on the role of parent. If you sit down with me to discuss your Family Estate Plan, these are some of the things I’d ask you to think about and discuss with your spouse when you’re choosing a guardian.
1. Do they have similar values to yours?
Remember the person that you’re nominating for guardianship could potentially raise your kids. As a parent, how do you want your kids to grow up? What are your religious values? What are your thoughts on college and education? What are important ideologies you want your kids to learn about? Will you find someone 100% like you? Probably not, but what you’re doing by taking the time to sit down and answering these questions is picking someone that is most like you. You will inevitably come up with a list of qualified people. A list is good! You want to have more than one qualified guardian, you want a “bench.” If something happens and your first guardian is not able to take on the role, your back up guardian will step up.
2. What is their parenting style?
You might have to do some predicting on this one. If you’re considering someone who already has kids think about your own parenting style. You might want to pick someone who shows a similar style to yours. Are you a strict parent? Do you have a relaxed parenting style? Do you stick to a routine? Do you go with the flow? Do you practice gentle parenting? Picking someone with a similar parenting style gives your kids continuity and stability.
If the person you’re considering doesn’t have kids, think about what that person is like. Are they good at handling stressful situations? Do they adapt to change? How are they around kids? Are they respectful of your wishes regarding your kids? Hopefully, the person you’re considering is someone you’ve spent some time with. For both types of candidates (with and without kids) focus on what you’ve observed about them and the qualities that they’ve exhibited.
3. Where do they live?
This one is simple. You have the perfect person in mind, but they live cross country. How important is it that your kids stay close to where they live? They’ve lived there their whole lives, possibly have family and friends close by or a school they attend. Someone might not be the right choice if it would mean uprooting your kids and moving them away from everything and everyone they know.
On the other hand, the perfect person might just live cross country. They’re already like a parent to your kid, someone you know will love and raise them like you would have. Yes, they live 5 states away, but you know your kids will adapt because they’ll have that person to lean on. Remember you will never feel like you’ve found the perfect person. This entire selection process is about balance. Go with the person that makes you look back on your decision and feel at peace.
4. What is their age or their stage of life?
Age is an important consideration when picking a guardian. It takes a lot of energy to raise a kid. Many people think their parents should be guardian. Heck, a lot of grandparents think they should be the guardians. But think about it, will your parents have the energy to raise another child? What if they fall ill? How old are your parents right now? How old is your child? Does a 65-year-old have the energy to commit to a child for the next 10, 15, 18 years? Probably not. Picking your parents seems like the logical choice but it might not be the best choice. If you want to make sure the grandparents are a big part of your kids’ life, you can leave instructions and make financial provisions to make it happen.
4.a Hurting someone’s feelings.
I added this one here because based on my experience, someone inevitably will get their feelings hurt during this process. This is not the time to worry about hurting someone’s feelings. A lot of people may think they’re the right person to raise your kids, but this decision is not about what other people think. This is your and your partner’s decision alone. Do not let hurting someone’s feelings push you into a decision you’re not comfortable with. Your loved ones will understand why you picked who you picked. And hey, they’ll get over it.
5. Do they get along with your kids?
This is a big consideration. Maybe you’ve found the perfect candidate on paper, but your kid just doesn’t like them. They cry when they see them or they don’t want to go over to their house. They may not be the right person. Your kids are going to rely on this person for comfort. It’s not going to work if they simply don’t like them. If your child is old enough, ask them who they like! If they’re not, see how they react around them. Do they smile and laugh? Do they like being held by them? Maybe they already have someone they love so much they’re an honorary aunt or uncle. Do you have to pick who they say? No! You’ll still have to find out if they’re the right person to raise your kids. But maybe your kids will point you in the right direction or steer you away from someone you were seriously considering.
Last thoughts
Make sure whoever your considering knows that they’re being considered. A guardianship should not be a surprise because remember the person can always say no. You need to make sure whoever you decide on knows, and wants to take on the responsibility of raising your children.
Picking a guardian for your kids is probably going to be the hardest decision you make when you’re going through your Family Estate Planning Process. It’s tough to think you won’t be there to raise your kids so you should take the time to make a decision you’re happy with. Remember, these decisions are not set in stone. Your Family Estate Plan evolves and changes as your life evolves and changes. If you pick someone and three years from now, you’re not as close as you used to be, you are able to change your guardian.
Ready to take the first step to secure your family’s future? Schedule a call with me to see if I’m the right attorney to help you do that: Visit www.igslegal.com or email [email protected].
The information in this article is not legal advice, you should always consult an attorney when considering drafting legal documents.
